a post in three acts

greetings, all. i’ve been absent. the following should explain why:

  1. I’ve been putting in quite a bit of time at work. like, a lot of time. i think i put in 60 hours easy this week, probably closer to 65. fortunately, i’m coming to the end of that period. at least i hope i am.
  2. i’ve spent any time i haven’t been working helping to bring a new social networking site online. it’s aimed to help people discuss, organize, and act on social justice issues. so far, it’s been chugging along just fine. eventually, i hope to implement greater integration with Facebook.

right now, i feel an amalgam of exhausted, happy, and contemplative. the other night, i had a really long, really intense conversation with someone i care deeply about, and it made me think about quite a few things. on the whole, i’m happy with where my life is: i’m learning a lot of skills that i’ll be able to take to a new job, i’m working to set up a project i believe in deeply, and i’m getting my composing mojo back after over a year of not writing anything. i’m trying to figure out what i want to do next (after my contract with badbrain is up in june), and i’m also trying to figure out where to go next.

i think i’ve gotten away from whatever malady affected me for the better part of 2005 (i still feel like something’s missing, but what and how to fix it are not things i want to discuss here and now). i’m not quite sure what brought that malady on, exactly; i think it might have mostly brought on by anxiety related to leaving st. olaf and facing the “real world”. but i do know that i’m much happier, less moody, and generally more at peace with the world (unless someone does something stupid). one sign of that is my muse coming back. another sign is me not resenting getting out of bed in the morning, and feeling like i have a purpose instead.

still, i feel like i’m too serious at times. granted, i need to be serious at times simply to process the sheer volume of information that comes at me at work, but that’s a different kind of serious. i feel like i take the world too seriously, in that i’ve forgotten how ridiculous and childish the world really is at times. in that regard, i feel like i need to laugh more, and play more. there needs to be time when i can just go and try to build a snowman, or wander around in the woods looking for a geocache, or just sit and do nothing but make stupid jokes with other people.

i’m not the same person i was before i graduated from st. olaf, let alone the same person i was when i entered st. olaf to begin with. nor do i think it’s healthy, appropriate, or even realistic for me to seek that out. i do, however, think i’m coming close to regaining the general mindset i’ve had my entire life: joyful, inquisitive, open, and embracing of the little things. and that, i hope, never leaves again.

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I'm just this guy, you know?